One aspect of the Reggio Emilia approach to learning that has influenced us in our parenting has been respecting the process our children need to go through to develop their thinking. We were especially struck by the examples when the children in the Orange Room would suggest an idea that the teachers knew would not work (“The birds will come into the room if we put birdseed on the tables, open the doors and hide.”), and yet they would follow through on even the silliest of ideas so that the children could develop that understanding themselves. And sometimes, an idea that might have been dismissed as impractical might just turn out to be the best one (“Let’s call the Fire Department to measure the water tower!”).
It is this aspect of allowing children to go through the process of trial and error that has enormous implications for parenting. We are quick to intervene, to tell and show our children the right way if they are getting something wrong. But we might be inadvertently depriving them of an important opportunity for advancing their own understanding. As a high school teacher, I see many students who are not used to facing disappointment or failure, and so seemingly trivial setbacks appear to do great damage to their sense of self. It makes me wonder if, as parents, we sometimes unwittingly do too much to protect our children from experiencing failure, and therefore prevent our children from developing resiliency, better problem-solving skills, and a sense of self that isn’t fragile. What if we embraced allowing our children to experience setbacks and failures in the small things—like allowing them to construct a boat that you know is going to sink, but using that experience as a motivator and encouraging them to go back to the drawing board? Perhaps it’s a lofty hope—that the process of trial and error that helps shape a child’s cognitive abilities would also translate into greater resiliency and resourcefulness as a young adult. But I would rather err on the side of helping my child gain greater independence than shielding him from life’s setbacks.
Jeannie
