Expectations for Our Elementary Schools.

This week we registered our eldest for Kindergarten in the local public school. He enjoyed walking around, looking at the classrooms, visiting the library and meeting the librarian. He is excited for the change and seems to be up for a challenge. All good there.

However, my first impression was mixed. It had to do with my expectations not being met. I am not sure if you are the same as me, but when my expectations are not met I first react with frustration (mild annoyance to big anger depending on the importance of the situation), then I consider whether my expectations are right and whether they are realistic. I should probably reverse that order, but, yes, sadly, I remain human. 

Successful schools excel for a number of reasons, but one of the big reasons is that there exists a strong agreement in the area of expectations by the administrators, teachers, parents and the overall community. 

So, I ask myself, am I doing my part in making my child’s school successful? Am I defining and refining my expectations? Do I have a way to constructively enter into a dialogue with the other interested parties? 

I think most of us get to the questions that help us start to define our expectations for the school that we send our child to, but it comes in a somewhat haphazard way.  It comes as we register,  as we meet their teachers and administrators, as we read the information that they distribute to us, as we talk to other parents who give their opinions about the school, etc. All of that is prompted out of the normal tasks of parenting and the normal routine of life. 

But I wonder, with so much at stake, is that enough? Should we be more proactive and how so?

Sean

Lessons from a Share Bag

The “Share Bag” entered our home and proved how un-Reggio these two parents really are. For those of you who have not yet experienced the Share Bag, it is a backpack that the kid takes home, he finds something good (that is not a toy) to put into it and then shares three clues with the class in an attempt to get them to guess what is hidden in the bag.

I felt a certain pressure as I contemplated how to help our son choose what to put in the bag, and Jeannie added to it when she began critiquing my ideas, “It’s got to be something that you can make sensible clues about!”

Now our son has a myriad of craft projects from boats to pulley systems to his self-created books, any of which I thought might make a great share bag item, but he said no to every one of my suggestions. So, I then did what most stumbling parents do, I went through the same list of items, but with greater exasperation. This, for some strange reason, had the same unproductive result.

He then decided that he wanted to put paper airplanes in the bag. Which sounded OK until he informed me that he wanted me to make the all the airplanes. Since I had already assumed I was going to have to create the clues, it was frustrating to discover that I would have to also build the mystery object. This project was quickly becoming my project, going totally against the purpose of this endeavor in the first place. Our son had lost the meaning of the share bag and this is going to turn out to be a rather lame exercise, I grumbled to myself.

I went ahead and made one airplane.  I tried to show our son how to do it, thinking I could still involve him in this effort, but he seemed preoccupied. As I made the next three planes, I discovered that his preoccupation was in wanting to fly the first airplane.

Just when I felt most frustrated, he went to the art table, got a piece of paper and proceeded to ask me how to spell “clue”. He put a number “1” next to “Clue” and then asked me to spell a succession of words to form his first clue. He then did the same for the second clue. He then asked me about a few options for the third clue. They were all good clues, they made progressive sense, they were in the right order and they slowly would lead his class to the right answer. I was stunned.  My astonishment was based in the fact that I had completely underestimated his ability to create his own sensible clues. I had underestimated my son.  And when he ventured off to decorate all the planes with stickers and hand-drawn wheels and then started creating his own plane using paper and scissors, I realized that it was me who had lost the meaning of the share bag, not him.  Not him at all.

One point among many appears to us fundamental and basic: the image of the child. The cornerstone of our experience, based on practice, theory, and research, is the image of the child as rich in resources, strong and competent. The emphasis is placed on seeing the children as unique individuals…They have potential, plasiticity, openness, the desire to grow, curiosity, a sense of wonder, and the desire to relate to other people and to communicate. Carlina Rinaldi as quoted in The Hundred Languages of Children

The Power of the Marriage in the Development of the Child

Jeannie told me that most people like to follow blogs that are more personal in nature, which thus far has not been a focus in this blog.  Well, I’d like to make an attempt with a subject that is highly personal for both of us.

Maybe it is because the mother of one of the children in our daughter’s park district class recently passed away giving birth to her second son, or maybe because Jeannie and I have hit the deepest weeds of our marriage, or maybe because my oldest brother was surprisingly served papers of divorce at a critical time in the life of their son, I have been mulling over the role of the marriage in the healthy development of children.

We all intuitively understand that somehow the quality of our marriage greatly influences the trajectory of the social, intellectual and emotional maturation of our children but do we ever sit down and really examine how and why that occurs?

So here is the question for us to debate:

What do we need to model in our relationships with our partners to influence the positive development of our children?

Here are some ideas from a very imperfect marriage partner:

We show them how they should treat and expect to be treated by others. If they see us modeling respect, kindness, admiration, and patience with our partners, they will demonstrate those qualities as well as demand the same in their own relationships and have little tolerance for destructive behaviors.

We show them the power and the significance of allowing someone good and decent to enter into our private world. By showing them what true intimacy is, they will be better able to resist the heavily marketed (and frighteningly influential) imitations out there.

We show them that love is first and foremost a commitment as we continue to pursue the heart of the other. In doing so, we help them learn not to take others for granted or succumb to the norm of “familiarity breeding contempt”.

We show them how to compromise based on mutual interest instead of a loss of self.

We show them restraint and self discipline when we choose not to deal with heated issues in their presence, instead waiting for a time where we can be alone and focused to deal with the tough stuff.  And we show them healthy conflict resolution in those times when the issues do not necessitate a closed door meeting or the situation requires immediacy.

We show them the significance of the ideas, feelings, concerns, and observations of others as we really listen and react to our partners.

 We show them the need to have fun in life as we remain playful and share enjoyable pursuits with each other.

We show them the importance of perseverance in their pursuits as we celebrate the talents and accomplishments that took years to produce in the life of our partner.

We show them how to be enriched by others as we enter into each other’s life passions. By entering into and supporting the passion behind our partner’s profession and service to others, we show our children that we are willing to be changed and influenced by that which drives our spouse.

If you have a moment, I would be interested in your additions to this list.

Respecting the Process

One aspect of the Reggio Emilia approach to learning that has influenced us in our parenting has been respecting the process our children need to go through to develop their thinking.  We were especially struck by the examples when the children in the Orange Room would suggest an idea that the teachers knew would not work (“The birds will come into the room if we put birdseed on the tables, open the doors and hide.”), and yet they would follow through on even the silliest of ideas so that the children could develop that understanding themselves.  And sometimes, an idea that might have been dismissed as impractical might just turn out to be the best one (“Let’s call the Fire Department to measure the water tower!”).
 
It is this aspect of allowing children to go through the process of trial and error that has enormous implications for parenting.  We are quick to intervene, to tell and show our children the right way if they are getting something wrong.  But we might be inadvertently depriving them of an important opportunity for advancing their own understanding.  As a high school teacher, I see many students who are not used to facing disappointment or failure, and so seemingly trivial setbacks appear to do great damage to their sense of self.  It makes me wonder if, as parents, we sometimes unwittingly do too much to protect our children from experiencing failure, and therefore prevent our children from developing resiliency, better problem-solving skills, and a sense of self that isn’t fragile.  What if we embraced allowing our children to experience setbacks and failures in the small things—like allowing them to construct a boat that you know is going to sink, but using that experience as a motivator and encouraging them to go back to the drawing board?  Perhaps it’s a lofty hope—that the process of trial and error that helps shape a child’s cognitive abilities would also translate into greater resiliency and resourcefulness as a young adult.  But I would rather err on the side of helping my child gain greater independence than shielding him from life’s setbacks.

Jeannie

Post Curriculum Night Support

The first goal of this blog is to facilitate a dialogue between parents for mutual support and encouragement. With that in mind, it seems like a great opportunity for current Orange Room parents and new afternoon Blue Room parents to ask questions they may have at the start of their child’s new adventure in a Reggio-inspired classroom, especially right after Curriculum Night. I know that, for my wife and me, Curriculum Night helped clarify the theoretical into the practical. However, we still had lingering questions such as:

“Will the project be defined and led just by the confident and outgoing children?”  ”Will our child lose interest in the project way before the group does?”  And “Will a child be excluded by the other children if they don’t keep pace with the project?”

So, we’d like to begin the conversation by inviting those new to the Reggio approach to submit any questions and concerns you may have in the comments section.  And to  those of you whose children have already gone through the Orange Room, what concerns did you have when your child started in the Orange Room?  How they were answered (or not answered)? Or perhaps you have a response for one of the new parents’ concerns.

I know both requests are a lot to ask for at the very start of this blog, but I envision that out of this and future posts, we can collectively create a FAQ list that could then be passed on to future generations of Orange Room parents. What do you think of this approach? This blog would appreciate your feedback.

Sean

Reggio Big Picture: ReChild

ReChild is a free PDF-based magazine that puts meat on the bones of the philosophy behind Reggio Emilia. It is a multi-dimensional website and can seem quite complex on your first visit.

Reggio 101: A Starting Point for Understanding Reggio

The Reggio Approach is well encapsulated in this article in Wikipedia. It is written in a basic, straightforward manner with the assumption that you know little educator jargon. The article has some of what I call wiki-jaggedness, but it is a very good intro to Reggio. It has all the main points with enough of an explanation of each that you could then search out what area you are most interested in exploring further.

Article of Interest: Can the Right Kinds of Play Teach Self-Control?

This recent article in the New York Times Magazine highlights a new early childhood learning program (called Tools for the Mind) which is designed to help children learn executive function skills, the theory being that executive function is a better predictor of future academic success than other traditional measures.  What I found most interesting was its commonality with the Reggio approach, which focuses on seeing children as developing thinkers, and teaching children the skills they will need to not only learn how to think, but also how to monitor their own thinking.  Another interesting aspect of the article is the discussion of the recent history of early childhood education approaches and how they compare with each other.